Silence

Many may think silence means peace and quiet. A time to relax. But to me, it's scary. Very, very scary. Silence means time to think. Time to think means time to panic. Time to panic means I get into control-freak mode. I scan around the room, eagerly trying to find something or someone that could potentially make me feel in danger. When I find it, my brain exaggerates it, like a murderer could burst into the room and kill me. Even writing this makes me terrified. Ugh. Silence is horrible. I just found myself scanning the room again. So to prevent this, I make myself as busy as possible. Busy doesn't technically mean running around all day. It may mean watching tons of youtube videos so I'm not doing nothing. Cause when i'm doing nothing, I think. And when I think it I panic. And when I panic- okay, you know what happens. I wish I can find a way to calm myself down. And somehow tell myself that there's nothing to be afraid of.

Sparky x

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