Sparky Blogs

If you haven't noticed, nearly all my posts are written at around midnight or in the early hours. And most of them have been kinda depressy. I've been thinking why. 1. I guess I couldn't sleep properly cause I probably have something on my mind that's preventing me to do so. (which you can easily guess) 2. (THE REASON I'VE FOUND OUT RECENTLY) It's procrastination. You know when you sleep and time goes by super super fast so you feel like you were asleep for a minute instead of hours? It's as if it's a fast forward button. But when I'm anxious about the next day, I won't want it to come quickly, won't I. So I end up staying up late just to experience this long period of time. It makes me FEEL like there's still time until the disaster comes, although it's all fake. It's basically fake extra time. (I'd be surprised if you understand what I'm trying to say cause of my awful presentation of this) Anyways, stayi...

Why do lie to myself? Wait. Am I lying to myself? I'm worried about tomorrow. So tonight I danced and sang in my room, which kind of put me into a good mood. Am I just trying to take my mind off it? Force myself to not think about it? Could this be a good thing? I guess I did have a great time just being my dorky self. But deep down there's this swirl of anxiety to what will happen tomorrow. I can't escape from reality no matter how much I hate it. That's the scariest part. Sparky x

So last year, I met this wonderful person. I'll call her Nella. We have a lot in common. Experiences, personalities, etc, etc. I'm so incredibly happy and lucky and thankful I met her. We were playmates for quite a while (ya know, those friends who don't really share many secrets?) but this year, we're in different classes. We were both put in a class where we hardly know anyone. We're both not doing very well in the making-friends-department, but she's an excellent listener. Plus she's experiencing what I experienced last year or the year before. (Those really depressing blog posts, yea, those kind of experiences.) I know how it felt to be helpless in those situations. We understand each other. I understand her and I'm happy to help her in any way I can. Nella, if you're reading this (which I know you are cause I just told you to), thank you for being there for me all the time. Without a doubt, I'll do the same, if not more, to you. : ) Stay...