Let down

You probably saw the title of this post and think I'm writing about people letting me down. Well, it's not exactly about that. It's more about me letting other people down. It's my biggest nightmare when I let people down. For example if a teacher asks me a question, I'd get so scared I'll get it wrong and let down the teacher so I ended up not saying anything, which is even worse. What's going on my mind? All I was thinking was the teacher picked me to answer the question so she supposed I should know the answer but I really don't, if I get it wrong she will be disappointed in me. Of course, she probably isn't thinking of that, but in my mind, she is. I kind of put myself into pressure that I thought the teacher gave me, but it was all my imagination.

Throughout the years of being a student, I consider myself as relatively lucky. I don't need to do much to get to the top, so I seldom have to deal with failure. This isn't me boasting, I actually wish I'd gone through more failure than I did, so I can learn how to handle it, because if I fail now, it'd feel like the world is going to end. And I'll also blame myself if I do anything wrong causing the failure. Big or small, I'd be ashamed and afraid I'd make the same mistake again. How can I deal with failure?

Sparky x

p.s. I'm sorry this is so long, I just have a lot of thoughts in my head right now and my hands can't stop writing. Thank you so much if you actually read through them all. :)