22nd May, 2020

Oh wow, I just realised this is my first daily life post in 2020? Tbh, I'm not sure if this is a daily life post.

*also, to my friends who're reading, don't panic. Read the whole thing first*

So about a week ago, I came out of my shower one night and my parents were talking about migrating to another place. I didn't suspect anything at the time cause they had plans to migrate there when they retire so it wasn't anything new... or so I thought.

They then talked about me going overseas to study (which is also not surprising cause we've also talked about it a little bit). But then when I kept on listening to their conversation, it felt weirder and weirder. So I straight up asked them what time period they're talking about. My dad then told me they're thinking of migrating in the coming few months.

I was like WTF???? I was not ready for that. I kinda broke down that night when everyone was asleep. I mean, who wouldn't? I've always prepared for going to study overseas like September next year or something.

One thing that terrified me the most was: Okay, imagine I just went overseas to study and my parents migrated to another country at the same time. What if I get homesick? I won't have a home to go back to cause the country they migrated to won't feel like home at all.

Luckily, we kind of talked throughout the week and some stuffs slid in place the way ai expected them to. So, either September 2021 or January 2022. (Although the homesick problem still exists... ugh)

To those who thought this was the end of the story, I'm sorry, but let me ramble a little more on this.

Ever since that night, I've been absolutely terrified about my future. It feels like driving in thick thick fog. I hate this. Everything is so uncertain it haunts me. Right. Uncertainty. I remember saying that I hate uncertainty in a suuuper old blog post. Well, I guess I haven't changed much, have I, haha.

Okay. Uncertainty. We're still not sure when I'll be going overseas. I don't even know what I wanna be when I grow up. I don't know how often I'll be able to see my friends. I don't know how often I'll come back to my birth place. I don't know anything about my future. And I hate that.

Sparky x