2021

Happy new year, guys:D (This is going to be a loooooooong one.)

Again, felt wrong not to write something on here for the new year, so here we are.

2020 has been one heck of a year. We've had our ups and downs. Online school, yes, sometimes it sucks, but I enjoyed a lot of it, not gonna lie. (Yea... I kinda need to recharge after socialising, so a long recharging period is good for my mental health I guess. Although I do miss you guys x)

In 2020, I've learnt a lot, actually. So here're some things I've learnt:

1. Outta my shell! (Not really, just a little bit I think)

I feel like I'm getting less shy around people(?). I'm less scared of everyone. I can speak up more now (in our student council cabinet... I guess).

2. Literature.

Oh yes. I've definitely improved. I read my old blog posts (on another account) where I wrote an analysis of a character. (That was before I took Literature.) It's so shit lol. I didn't give detailed examples, I barely elaborated and my points were all over the place. Plus, last year's teacher was disgusting and taught us bullcrap. This year we literally have the best teacher ever uwu.

3. Taking care of myself.

Definitely. I had kind of a bad habit of sinking into negative thoughts and kind of bathing in the negativity. Although, I still do that sometimes, but less. It's still kinda unhealthy, even if it's lowkey satisfying. I don't even know- Basically, I'm getting um... more positive(?).

4. Productivity YAY

Okay, I'll be honest. I have kinda lost it again. So in around March and April, when we first started quarantining, me, Nella and Ariel would study like 10 hours a day or something crazy like that. It felt really good... Never in my life have I been that productive. Buuuuut, these few weeks... I have not been productive. Mid-terms are coming up. Now that I know I have the potential to be this productive, it motivates me (a little). So 2021, LETS GO!!

5. Drawing/design... actually. (Surprising, right)

Sooo I'll be honest, I've always wanted to be those really artistic people who draw really well. (Cause I suck at Science and my memory is trash. Basically my grades are flopping and I'm really interested in artsy stuff like design, literature, music, media and stuff.) BUT I suck at drawing as well. Soooo, since our promotion drawing people in our council were busy with other promotions, I took up the job to draw our Christmas Show promotion posters and count-down posters (and thankyou cards)... cause I'm one of the people in charge of the show. It turned out okay, I guess. It wasn't anything amazing. Simple designs. But what I'm really happy about is that we did indeed end up using it. Like... Me. Weirdass non-arsty me. I drew something and it was published. I was and still am really happy about that.

Right. There are things I want to improve as well:

1. Competitiveness

I swear, I've been trying to not be competitive, my whole life. I know, I know, it's my personality and whatnot, and I can't really change anything actually. But I want to learn to deal with / minimise this um... issue. It's actually really insane, like, I can be playing some dumbass games with friends, and as long as there's a leaderboard, I would try-hard to get first place. Literally, no one cares who gets what place, but for some unknown (and stupid) reason, I do. It's not like I get angry when I lose. (Well, maybe, but definitely not at my friends.) It's just that.. it would bother me a little.

2. Messy

This, again, has never improved significantly. Stuff is still messy. (Brooklyn's been telling me off about my school locker.) I'm kinda tired of trying to improve this though, but still gonna write this down. (I'm hoping when I go to the UK, it'll be a fresh start, and I can start being organised.) 

3. PUNCTUALITY PUNCTUALITY PUNCTUALITY

Ah. Yes. I never go to school late, but if I go out with my friends or family, I'm pretty much late every time D: It's bad, kids. Don't do that. I'll try to get ready earlier (ugh, I know saying this doesn't help much, but um... Idk how else to help myself improve.)

4. Carelessness(?)

Yea... Sooo I've left my wallet at home quite a few times (yea, Nella, that time wasn't the only time...) And that's... very bad as well. I've also left many stuff behind: homework at school when I'm supposed to do them at home, homework at home when I'm supposed to turn them in at school, textbooks when I'm supposed to study during the weekend (Yes, the time you had to give me back my Geography textbook back to me, Ocean), my pencil bag in the music room before a long holiday (this was ages ago, but still, it counts.) There're so so many examples, andddd that's not good. So, I've actually tried to improve this earlier 2020, in March as well, when I used Google Calendar and marked every single thing down. (Wow, March 2020 was a great month for me. I remember being happy then.) So, I might do that again. Hopefully. #Recreate2020March

5. Be less um... fragile

I'm not talking about sensitivity here. I do consider myself really sensitive, but I feel like there's good in sensitivity, like being sympathetic and stuff. What I'm talking about here, is facing the difficulties in life in general. So. (I'm not explaining this very well, ugh) So, my parents and I watched Dead Poets' Society a couple of months ago, and I cried at that scene. I cried so fucking hard, like, I literally couldn't breathe properly for a couple of minutes. I feel like I can't handle the tragedies in life. Maybe I was too into the movie (yes, I do get super into movies when I watch them, but I feel like that has good in it as well.) But I have to learn to face difficulties in life in the future as well, so why not earlier?

Last but not least, a great thank you to my friends, you've all stuck around with this dumbass right here even though she may be a little dumb, a little annoying, sometimes weird, but you stayed:D Thank you to my parents, although sometimes I don't really understand them and they don't really understand me (at least the "me" on this blog, they probably won't understand.) They've been here with me, feeding me, gossiping with me, planning my UK studies stuff. (Huge shoutout to my mom for UK study stuff!! And dad for the delicious meals:)) Thank you to my cat Barclay (But we call him Barc or Barc Barc), who's been here by my side no matter what happens. He reminds me of the beauty of life, like the happiness of just laying down and bathing in the sun. Life is beautiful.

To end this one heck of a post, here's a huge thank you to my blog. Tbh, I didn't really know what "blog" refers to. Am I thanking the website? Who/What actually AM I thanking? The more I thought about it, I'm actually thanking myself. For creating this blog. (But thanking myself sounds weird to me, so let's use "blog" again). This blog, my gosh, has been through so fucking much with me. It knows me more than anyone does. And here's a cheer to the coming years we're going to spend together. Hip hip hurray!

Sparky x

Ps This is 1256 words long, holy cow :0