Lessons I've learnt in [insert home town]

leaving home town tmr:)

lesson#1_family

there are two main things i’ve learnt in this category.

1. this statement is very much false: there’s always time for family, therefore they are of a lower priority.

yes. this sounds so fucked up. if you asked me about this before, i’d deny the fact that i’ve even thought about it. but deep down, i have this concept in my mind. well, i *had* this concept because now I can proudly say that i have been working on it:) i used to think i’ll always have my parents and barc at home for me. i can always go back and hang out with them. they’ll always here. but… they won’t always always be here, as in both physically next to me or in this world with me. i realised this kind of late, but luckily, it wasn’t too late.

2. my parents are humans

this sounds funny without context. my parents are humans, therefore they make mistakes too.

i’ve always been an obedient kid, to an extent where… i’d subconsciously agree with them in a heartbeat. without even processing it myself. or i’d secretly disagree but hide it. this is on me though. but as i grow older, they start urging me to have my own opinions. they said they don’t want to make decisions for me or tell me what to think or do. my dad apologised for making me choose science subjects instead of subjects i’m actually interested in. my mom apologised for being so controlling (although she still is. i mean, it’s part of her personality, it’s not like she can change that overnight.) i make mistakes. they make mistakes too. we are all human. we all make mistakes.

lesson#2_socialising

i’ve found my most comfortable way of socialising. i know this sounds basic but being able to be myself in a friendship is so important. i know, i know, we’ve heard this a million times, but i haven’t completely understood it yet until these couple of years. i guess it’s part of what growing up is.

well it consists of many more different parts than just being myself and it’s complicated so i’m not gonna explain it all here. but i just wanted to point out, i’ve found the type of friendship i’m most comfortable with.

lesson#3_shittypeople

there are shitty people in this world. that’s it. that’s the lesson.

lesson#4_work

here’s a quote by me i really like: when responsibility leaves no space for personal needs

LMAO. ok, basically, i can work well still under high pressure, not for long though.

i’m kind of tired and don’t know what to make of this so i’m just gonna state this observation here.

lesson#5_emotions

here’s another observation: i make everything seem very dramatic. i am just, filled with intense emotions all day every day.

i can’t tell if this is good or bad. it can be both i guess. i like it though. to me, being alive is to *feel*. feel the happiness, the hurt, the everything.

lesson#6_selflove

during my days of very mild anxiety and after, i’ve learnt so many ways to take care of myself mentally. i’ve said this a million times, but, i’ve learnt about emotional outputs. i write as an output. i talk to people as an output. i listen to music as an output.

lesson#7_bittersweet

i learnt this recently.

okay, i’ll be honest, this part is about a very specific… uhh, event. i’ve talked about bittersweet before on my blog, the fact that i finally understood what bittersweet is. if not completely, then at least a little bit. but hey, that’s progress, right?

bittersweet can be… satisfying in ways. i’ve never been a fan of tragedies, and will never be, but in some cases, i’d be happy to accept a sad ending. i don’t really know how to explain this and i’m sorry i’m explaining it terribly. if i read this 2 years ago, i wouldn’t understand either.

i give up. basically, i understand what bittersweet means now. sort of.

wait. a part of it might be linked to the emotions part. maybe i’m more open to different kinds of emotions. to feel what these emotions feel like. to feel. yes. to feel.

lessons to be learnt in the future:

lesson#?_lettinggo - i’ve semi learnt it, but i can’t be sure until i’ve completely settled down over there.

lesson#?_puttingmyselffirst - this one’s hard.