Getting over someone

Hey, haven't been on here for ages. One of the reasons might be, since I'm in a relatively uhh vulnerable position emotionally, deep thoughts very easily cause breakdowns... We'll see, maybe I'll start writing more!

Right, so, I know for a fact that I struggle to move on. It's even harder to move on from someone when you know that they don't want to move on either. And what that person symbolises - the past, childhood, innocence, my home town, it feels like I'm leaving all these things behind as well.

Lately, I've been trying many methods, and one of them I find quite useful. I force myself to view everything objectively, almost detaching myself, and ask myself questions like: How does love exist? How does attraction form? Why specifically one person? We are all just animals at the end of the day. Why does one person affect another emotionally so so much? It's almost like, I'm trying to convince myself, love isn't as significant as I think it is. (Romantic, I mean.) It isn't that important. You don't need it to survive.

I mean, these completely contradict with what I stand for usually: to feel everything and accept their existence, but I guess it's a completely different context and I have a goal this time - to move on.

Another contradiction - this might be good. As in, me trying to get over someone. 1) It's practice for something I'm not good at and 2) this distracts me from homesick. I'm trying to imagine what would happen if I didn't have this problem of trying to get over someone. I cry way easier when it's about family and friends, and I almost never cry even when I'm like hurt or sad or whatever if it's romance based. Maybe this reduces my numbers of breakdowns.

Alright, that's it for today. I actually really really enjoyed writing this post. I miss the feeling of yk, dumping my brain junk and getting more ideas as I write. See you soon (maybe) :)

Sparky x

Ps Hi friends, I miss you guys so much x I hope the Christmas cards arrived on time:)