my great grandmother

hello. haven't written in a while now, how is everyone doing, hm? :)

since i've been headed towards the poetry direction every time i get a spark of inspiration, i was a bit like- then when does this blog get a chance at posting and stuff:< but i've got it. this blog will focus more on personal subjects.

in a way, writing about personal stories in poetry destroys its romance and magic. (i think i've talked about this before, somewhere along the line) so yeah!!

whenever my grandmother on my mom's side would give offerings to her mother (my great gran), she would always open a can of coke and set it down her table. i think, with the lack of experiences in this kind of religious... processes, i never thought much of it. it probably wouldn't surprise me if you told me back then, that it is a standard procedure for every offering session. or perhaps it was just something my grandmother has plenty of in her cupboard, so she just pulled it out as a sort of drink offering that's not the boring-old water.

it wasn't until this summer, when i was having an "adult conversation" with my grandmother at the cemetery, (we haven't had a lot of those. i don't think they see me as an adult, yet.) (i am turning 21), until she revealed that coca cola was my great grandmother's favourite drink. honestly, thinking back, it was pretty oblivious of me to not connect those dots.

here, a silent montage kind of happened in my mind. you know, the slow-mo frames with a step printing effect (done with low shutter) so it feels kind of dream-like, flashback-y. it all makes sense, as i recall how i beg my mother to let me drink coca cola, how my mother drinks a can of coca cola every single night after dinner, and how i would see my grandmother pull out a can of coca cola every time i visited.

i don't have much memory of my great grandmother. i used to visit her at the hospital in her late days. i think it happened around 10 times. my grandmother would bring flowers and ask me to sing for her. i don't think i had fully grasped the idea of death at that age. the visits were boring. no fun.

one thing i do know and still remember, is that she died of diabetes and have been in a hospital bed for almost a decade. my grandmother told me my great grandmother used to sneak chocolate into her blankets and eat them when nobody's looking. (well, i despise chocolate, so there goes my theory). they used to prohibit this, for obvious reasons, but she said they allowed her to have as much as she wants, seeing as the days were counting down and there was no reason for her to keep suffering.

perhaps it is because i am getting older, but i feel spiritually closer to the dead than i used to, especially to my ancestors. this little coca cola trend we got going on is adorable.

i am writing this and sipping a can of coca cola. slay.